Ok. This SUCKS. I have got to get a schedule going. I am not getting a whole lot done lately because I don't know when I will be awake and when I will be sleepy. I was sleepy ALL DAY after a full night's sleep last night. I ended up taking a nap in the early evening because I could not stay awake. Now I can not go to sleep.
In other news, Ryan's birthday was nice. Things here are a-ok. We have some new friends maybe, definitely good candidates. I got to see my best friend Steph this past weekend and that was wonderful! Her family is moving to West Point and I am really bummed at how we barely see each other now, living in the same town. What happens when we are so many states apart? Le sigh.
I have been learning all about fertility lately, and taking my basal body temperature. Its kind of cool to see the patterns as I've never really paid much attention to how my body works before. The scientist in me is fascinated. The pragmatist in me realizes that I have other things to be doing besides pondering my hormonal surges, basal body temp, and other more graphic elements to fertility charting. The future mother in me says "hurry up already and have a baby!" Yes, I hear voices. Don't you?
I am exceedingly frustrated with school. I don't know why. I am just not into it anymore. I've lost my groove. None of it feels like it matters, and I feel very disconnected from the process. I need some deadlines or stress or something. I just don't seem to care right now. Its a very bad place to be. I don't regret choosing to get a PhD at all, but I do wonder if it was a smart decision. If I could re-do things I'd be making a lot more money by now. I'm not feeling passionate about science, I'm feeling sort of like I wasted a lot of time. This is probably a common reaction to nearing the end of the PhD process, I don't know. Graduate school is strange. So many people regret NOT doing it and then so many people who do finish grad school wonder why they bothered when their friends who didn't go to grad school are more successful than they are. The grass is always greener, no?
These are the things on my mind when I can't sleep. I think I followed the rules and was a good girl for too long, now I just want to buck the system. People tell me to do things and I think "screw you!" What are you going to do to me if I don't show up for your stupid mandatory meeting? Kick me out? Ok! I think I waited much too long to hit the rebellious stage in my life, but boy howdy I'm there now!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Insomnia task 1 - Grocery list
Well since I was laying in bed not sleeping I decided to get up and make a list of the meals I would cook this week and the ingredients I need. Since I am trying to blog more I thought I'd give you an idea of my plans for lunch and dinner (not so much breakfast cooked around here except for the weekends)
Breakfast 1 -
Slow cooked steel cut oatmeal with bananas, sugar free vanilla syrup, butter, milk, and walnuts
Breakfast 2 -
Sunday omelets (this is become sort of a tradition around here in 2009) - ham, bell pepper, onion, spinach, mozzarella/pepperjack combo, avocado, tomato
Lunch 1, 2, 3 -
1/2 Whole wheat pita stuffed with roasted red pepper hummus and sliced turkey, combined with fruit (mango, strawberries, or banana) OR greek yogurt
Lunch 4,5 -
Quesadillas - whole grain tortillas, pepper jack/mozzarella, baby spinach, any leftover meats or veggies from the week, avocado, tomato
Dinner 1 -
Fettucine with chicken tenderloin and broccoli in a lemon alfredo sauce
Dinner 2 -
Stuffed bell peppers and steamed baby carrots (the stuffing is ground beef, onion, marinara, brown rice, mozzarella cheese, baby spinach)
Dinner 3 -
Bean burritos and corn casserole - whole grain tortillas, pepper jack, fat-free refried beans, salsa; fresh corn cut from cob, fat free cream cheese, jalepeno, salt and pepper
Dinner 4 -
Balsamic chicken and pears - chicken tenderloins & pears in a garlic balsalmic vinegar sauce, served with frozen italian green beans (Roma beans)
Dinner 5 -
Cavatappi with spinach, beans, and parmesano reggiano (canneloni beans, garlic, olive oil, pasta, baby spinach, parmesano reggiano)
Snacks/Breakfast on the go
Marcona almonds for me
Trail mix for Ryan
Protein bars for me (I like the zone perfect dark chocolate)
mootopia high protein skim milk
soy milk
protein shakes for Ryan
V-8
dark chocolate
whole grain English muffins with peanut butter or cheese
teddy grahams
leftovers (I almost always have leftovers, sigh)
My methodology for planning meals is to choose ingredients I can use more than once. With just the two of us its hard to shop and not waste food if I don't do this. This week those ingredients are:
whole grain tortillas
baby spinach (otherwise we'd never use a whole package - I stick spinach in everything and usually still end up not using the whole package)
parmesano reggiano
pepper jack
mozzarella
chicken tenderloins
Its hard to balance nutrition and price. Some things that help are vegetarian dishes, repeat ingredients, pasta (unfortunately for the low-carb person, but very fortunate for her Italian blooded husband), beans, and most especially planning ahead. I aim for 100g protein per day at about 1400-1600 calories and 25-30g fiber. I don't worry about fat grams but try to keep the saturated fats within reason (which is hard when you subsist on a lot of cheese). As for carbs, I like the totals for me around 120-140g (with 30 of that being fiber). I don't track my intake everyday anymore but I still track now and again to make sure I'm on target. I don't watch Ryan's carbs as much but I probably should but I do make sure he gets plenty of protein, fruits, and vegetables in his diet as much as I can. He drinks a lot of soda and now I am tending to drink carbonated waters with lime pretty often when I want the fizzies. (My gastric bypass was not friendly to fizzies for about a year but now I enjoy being able to burp).
So was that overkill? Can you tell I'm bored? :) Good night!
Breakfast 1 -
Slow cooked steel cut oatmeal with bananas, sugar free vanilla syrup, butter, milk, and walnuts
Breakfast 2 -
Sunday omelets (this is become sort of a tradition around here in 2009) - ham, bell pepper, onion, spinach, mozzarella/pepperjack combo, avocado, tomato
Lunch 1, 2, 3 -
1/2 Whole wheat pita stuffed with roasted red pepper hummus and sliced turkey, combined with fruit (mango, strawberries, or banana) OR greek yogurt
Lunch 4,5 -
Quesadillas - whole grain tortillas, pepper jack/mozzarella, baby spinach, any leftover meats or veggies from the week, avocado, tomato
Dinner 1 -
Fettucine with chicken tenderloin and broccoli in a lemon alfredo sauce
Dinner 2 -
Stuffed bell peppers and steamed baby carrots (the stuffing is ground beef, onion, marinara, brown rice, mozzarella cheese, baby spinach)
Dinner 3 -
Bean burritos and corn casserole - whole grain tortillas, pepper jack, fat-free refried beans, salsa; fresh corn cut from cob, fat free cream cheese, jalepeno, salt and pepper
Dinner 4 -
Balsamic chicken and pears - chicken tenderloins & pears in a garlic balsalmic vinegar sauce, served with frozen italian green beans (Roma beans)
Dinner 5 -
Cavatappi with spinach, beans, and parmesano reggiano (canneloni beans, garlic, olive oil, pasta, baby spinach, parmesano reggiano)
Snacks/Breakfast on the go
Marcona almonds for me
Trail mix for Ryan
Protein bars for me (I like the zone perfect dark chocolate)
mootopia high protein skim milk
soy milk
protein shakes for Ryan
V-8
dark chocolate
whole grain English muffins with peanut butter or cheese
teddy grahams
leftovers (I almost always have leftovers, sigh)
My methodology for planning meals is to choose ingredients I can use more than once. With just the two of us its hard to shop and not waste food if I don't do this. This week those ingredients are:
whole grain tortillas
baby spinach (otherwise we'd never use a whole package - I stick spinach in everything and usually still end up not using the whole package)
parmesano reggiano
pepper jack
mozzarella
chicken tenderloins
Its hard to balance nutrition and price. Some things that help are vegetarian dishes, repeat ingredients, pasta (unfortunately for the low-carb person, but very fortunate for her Italian blooded husband), beans, and most especially planning ahead. I aim for 100g protein per day at about 1400-1600 calories and 25-30g fiber. I don't worry about fat grams but try to keep the saturated fats within reason (which is hard when you subsist on a lot of cheese). As for carbs, I like the totals for me around 120-140g (with 30 of that being fiber). I don't track my intake everyday anymore but I still track now and again to make sure I'm on target. I don't watch Ryan's carbs as much but I probably should but I do make sure he gets plenty of protein, fruits, and vegetables in his diet as much as I can. He drinks a lot of soda and now I am tending to drink carbonated waters with lime pretty often when I want the fizzies. (My gastric bypass was not friendly to fizzies for about a year but now I enjoy being able to burp).
So was that overkill? Can you tell I'm bored? :) Good night!
A vocabulary lesson.
haugh⋅ty
/ˈhɔti/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [haw-tee] Show IPA
–adjective, -ti⋅er, -ti⋅est.
1. disdainfully proud; snobbish; scornfully arrogant; supercilious: haughty aristocrats; a haughty salesclerk.
2. Archaic. lofty or noble; exalted.
pre⋅ten⋅tious
/prɪˈtɛnʃəs/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [pri-ten-shuhs] Show IPA
–adjective
1. full of pretense or pretension.
2. characterized by assumption of dignity or importance.
3. making an exaggerated outward show; ostentatious.
e⋅go⋅tis⋅tic
/ˌigəˈtɪstɪk, ˌɛgə-/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ee-guh-tis-tik, eg-uh-] Show IPA
–adjective
1. pertaining to or characterized by egotism.
2. given to talking about oneself; vain; boastful; opinionated.
3. indifferent to the well-being of others; selfish.
con⋅de⋅scend⋅ing
/ˌkɒndəˈsɛndɪŋ/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [kon-duh-sen-ding] Show IPA
–adjective
showing or implying a usually patronizing descent from dignity or superiority: They resented the older neighbors' condescending cordiality.
pomp⋅ous
/ˈpɒmpəs/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [pom-puhs] Show IPA
–adjective
1. characterized by an ostentatious display of dignity or importance: a pompous minor official.
2. ostentatiously lofty or high-flown: a pompous speech.
3. characterized by pomp, stately splendor, or magnificence.
Passive-Aggressive
Formerly associated with a particular psychological disorder stemming from years of percieved underappreciation and bitterness. A character flaw brought on by a person's inability to deal with their own bitterness, anger, or resentment in an assertive manner, thus, becoming a more passive form of hostility.
Can you use all of these words in a single sentence? I can.
/ˈhɔti/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [haw-tee] Show IPA
–adjective, -ti⋅er, -ti⋅est.
1. disdainfully proud; snobbish; scornfully arrogant; supercilious: haughty aristocrats; a haughty salesclerk.
2. Archaic. lofty or noble; exalted.
pre⋅ten⋅tious
/prɪˈtɛnʃəs/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [pri-ten-shuhs] Show IPA
–adjective
1. full of pretense or pretension.
2. characterized by assumption of dignity or importance.
3. making an exaggerated outward show; ostentatious.
e⋅go⋅tis⋅tic
/ˌigəˈtɪstɪk, ˌɛgə-/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ee-guh-tis-tik, eg-uh-] Show IPA
–adjective
1. pertaining to or characterized by egotism.
2. given to talking about oneself; vain; boastful; opinionated.
3. indifferent to the well-being of others; selfish.
con⋅de⋅scend⋅ing
/ˌkɒndəˈsɛndɪŋ/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [kon-duh-sen-ding] Show IPA
–adjective
showing or implying a usually patronizing descent from dignity or superiority: They resented the older neighbors' condescending cordiality.
pomp⋅ous
/ˈpɒmpəs/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [pom-puhs] Show IPA
–adjective
1. characterized by an ostentatious display of dignity or importance: a pompous minor official.
2. ostentatiously lofty or high-flown: a pompous speech.
3. characterized by pomp, stately splendor, or magnificence.
Passive-Aggressive
Formerly associated with a particular psychological disorder stemming from years of percieved underappreciation and bitterness. A character flaw brought on by a person's inability to deal with their own bitterness, anger, or resentment in an assertive manner, thus, becoming a more passive form of hostility.
Can you use all of these words in a single sentence? I can.
Our water heater is broken and so is my toe (maybe) but you know what, I feel good.
I feel great actually. Liberated! I'd run through the living room if my toe didn't hurt and my living room had room to run through.
I had a run-in with my unplugged stationary vacuum cleaner the other night and whacked my baby toe. I think the vacuum was lashing out because I ignore it too much. But you know what, a clean house means you don't have other things in your life to occupy your mind. At least that's how I feel! Whatever lets you sleep at night. Not that I seem to be doing much of that lately.
Our water heater is kaput. Its a sad reality when I need to clean up a little before I call maintenance. That's just the kind of housekeeper I am. I'm ok with that, although someday when I have the money I am definitely investing in a maid. If you ever need a Christmas gift or something for me... there ya go ;)
Anyway, life is getting better and better today. I've been kind of cranky lately but today we have this storm that is just ridiculously cool. Thunder shaking the walls and making car alarms go off. There is nothing like a great spring storm to cleanse your mind and bring focus and clarity to the world. It washes away all of the nonsense and ushers in the lovely wildflowers of south Texas. I always love wildflowers. I think it stems from several large science projects as a child. We had to take pictures for one project and for another we had to collect and dry samples. I probably can't find the derivative of anything but I can still remember most of the names of the wildflowers. Its funny how some things stick.
So, its kind of ironic that a dark cloudy foul day like today where I am lacking hot water to clean my dirty house or shower, where I am cold and achy and my foot is as purple as the sky.. a day like today where things pretty much really suck somehow brings me out of my funk? I cannot explain but I appreciate it. Thank you psyche.
Actually I can explain but you don't really want to hear about it. Suffice to say, change is good.
I had a run-in with my unplugged stationary vacuum cleaner the other night and whacked my baby toe. I think the vacuum was lashing out because I ignore it too much. But you know what, a clean house means you don't have other things in your life to occupy your mind. At least that's how I feel! Whatever lets you sleep at night. Not that I seem to be doing much of that lately.
Our water heater is kaput. Its a sad reality when I need to clean up a little before I call maintenance. That's just the kind of housekeeper I am. I'm ok with that, although someday when I have the money I am definitely investing in a maid. If you ever need a Christmas gift or something for me... there ya go ;)
Anyway, life is getting better and better today. I've been kind of cranky lately but today we have this storm that is just ridiculously cool. Thunder shaking the walls and making car alarms go off. There is nothing like a great spring storm to cleanse your mind and bring focus and clarity to the world. It washes away all of the nonsense and ushers in the lovely wildflowers of south Texas. I always love wildflowers. I think it stems from several large science projects as a child. We had to take pictures for one project and for another we had to collect and dry samples. I probably can't find the derivative of anything but I can still remember most of the names of the wildflowers. Its funny how some things stick.
So, its kind of ironic that a dark cloudy foul day like today where I am lacking hot water to clean my dirty house or shower, where I am cold and achy and my foot is as purple as the sky.. a day like today where things pretty much really suck somehow brings me out of my funk? I cannot explain but I appreciate it. Thank you psyche.
Actually I can explain but you don't really want to hear about it. Suffice to say, change is good.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
10 things
I haven't posted in a while. I am going to try try try to be better! Mostly I just don't have a lot to say these days. So what's going on in my life?
1 - weight loss STALL, I am not working out like I should
2 - work = pain in the ass, I don't want to talk about it
3 - Ryan is turning 30 and might be taking it a little hard. I took it better than expected but I was making so many changes in my life that turning 30 kind of got lost in the shuffle.
4 - I don't know if it has anything to do with #3 (I suspect somewhat) but we would very much like to have a baby and hope to see that through sometime in the relatively near future. Us and everyone else! Who ISN'T pregnant these days? I wonder why, when the economy sucks, everyone wants babies? Maybe its because sex is a good form of entertainment when you can't afford the movies? And yes, I am a cynic. Hadn't you noticed that by now?
5 - I've decided I am a one to three "good friend" type of person. I don't really do "acquaintances" well and I am so picky about the QUALITY of my friendships and friends that I am just going to have to limit it or get disappointed. Unfortunately I am someone who often just expects too much out of people, and I am thus constantly disappointed. Its my fault, I know this, but that's the way it is. I don't think this quality about me is going to change anytime soon. I married someone who is the same way. We are reserved people and if we do put ourselves "on the line" so to speak, getting to know someone, we want to make sure its not going to bite us in the ass. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm a softy. I don't like getting hurt.
6 - Cats are a handful! I feel like I am their possession and they fight over who gets me. Can't we all be friends?
7 - Coffee is my best friend and my mortal enemy. I love it but I HATE when my body becomes dependent on it for functioning. I see-saw. I drink it for a while then break the habit and then end up drinking it for a while again until I get pissed that I want it so bad. I am hoping if I do become pregnant, that will be my incentive to break the habit permanently. In the meantime, this is a DELICIOUS latte! I wish I liked drip more, because its pricey to be a slave to the Bux.
8 - Insomnia blows. Something about post-ops that not a lot of people are warned about is the high incidence of insomnia. I took Ambien for a while and it helped but Ambien has some crazy side-effects that I don't want to play with. Then the insomnia seemed to clear itself up but now its back. Too much number 7 maybe?
9 - I can't wait to pay off our car. I hate car payments!!! I will never buy a new car again. What a racket that is! It depreciates by like half as soon as you leave the lot.
10 - I was trying to think of ten things but I only have nine. I asked Ryan what my tenth thing should be about and he said "how awesome I am." Ok. He is, you know. I am pretty lucky to have such a kind, considerate, loving husband who equally appreciates my awesomeness. Yay!
1 - weight loss STALL, I am not working out like I should
2 - work = pain in the ass, I don't want to talk about it
3 - Ryan is turning 30 and might be taking it a little hard. I took it better than expected but I was making so many changes in my life that turning 30 kind of got lost in the shuffle.
4 - I don't know if it has anything to do with #3 (I suspect somewhat) but we would very much like to have a baby and hope to see that through sometime in the relatively near future. Us and everyone else! Who ISN'T pregnant these days? I wonder why, when the economy sucks, everyone wants babies? Maybe its because sex is a good form of entertainment when you can't afford the movies? And yes, I am a cynic. Hadn't you noticed that by now?
5 - I've decided I am a one to three "good friend" type of person. I don't really do "acquaintances" well and I am so picky about the QUALITY of my friendships and friends that I am just going to have to limit it or get disappointed. Unfortunately I am someone who often just expects too much out of people, and I am thus constantly disappointed. Its my fault, I know this, but that's the way it is. I don't think this quality about me is going to change anytime soon. I married someone who is the same way. We are reserved people and if we do put ourselves "on the line" so to speak, getting to know someone, we want to make sure its not going to bite us in the ass. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm a softy. I don't like getting hurt.
6 - Cats are a handful! I feel like I am their possession and they fight over who gets me. Can't we all be friends?
7 - Coffee is my best friend and my mortal enemy. I love it but I HATE when my body becomes dependent on it for functioning. I see-saw. I drink it for a while then break the habit and then end up drinking it for a while again until I get pissed that I want it so bad. I am hoping if I do become pregnant, that will be my incentive to break the habit permanently. In the meantime, this is a DELICIOUS latte! I wish I liked drip more, because its pricey to be a slave to the Bux.
8 - Insomnia blows. Something about post-ops that not a lot of people are warned about is the high incidence of insomnia. I took Ambien for a while and it helped but Ambien has some crazy side-effects that I don't want to play with. Then the insomnia seemed to clear itself up but now its back. Too much number 7 maybe?
9 - I can't wait to pay off our car. I hate car payments!!! I will never buy a new car again. What a racket that is! It depreciates by like half as soon as you leave the lot.
10 - I was trying to think of ten things but I only have nine. I asked Ryan what my tenth thing should be about and he said "how awesome I am." Ok. He is, you know. I am pretty lucky to have such a kind, considerate, loving husband who equally appreciates my awesomeness. Yay!
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